


Some things never change

by maxiemoo01



Series: Misguided short stories [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression, Separation Anxiety, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiemoo01/pseuds/maxiemoo01
Summary: 5 times Virgil cried.+ 1 time it was happy tears.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Misguided short stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992772
Comments: 7
Kudos: 134





	Some things never change

**Author's Note:**

> Content warnings:  
> Theres a very brief mention of blood and guns, I mean it's extremely brief it's just the words in relation to nightmares. Mentions of smoking and cigarettes. Decriptions of panic attacks and breathing exercises.

Some things never change.

Virgil knew this very well.

His pops pancake recipe never changed, his dads office never changed, his best friend (now boyfriend) never changed, his bullies never changed, the park never changed, so many things never changed.

But change is inevitable.

Virgil is an hour and a half away from his childhood home, and right now he's in bed staring at the ceiling and wishing he was there, now don't get him wrong, he loves his friends, he loves Roman, he loves college, he's enjoying his studying and classes fairly well.

But here he is, wishing to be _home_ again. He closes his eyes, letting out a small sigh before slipping quietly out of bed, giving a small halfhearted smile as Roman curls up to where he was before. He pulls his jacket on, letting the familiar weight fall over his shoulders as he unplugs his phone and makes his way to the kitchen.

He pulls himself to sit on the counter, just staring at the ground in the barely lit kitchen. He pulls his phone out, staring at it for a bit before he finally opens his contacts and clicks on his dads name.

It's two am, and Virgil is expecting the call to ring through and go to voicemail, he wasn't expecting his dad to answer after only three rings. "Virgil?" Came the tired voice of Logan, and Virgil lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Hey dad…" He trails off, looking down at his lap, picking at his pajama pants. "Sorry for calling you, I just… Can't sleep." Virgil winces at how pathetic the admission sounds.

"Do you have the items for tea?" Logan asks, causing Virgil to furrow his brow.

"Yeah?"

"Well then let's have tea." Virgil smiles as he hears his dad get out of bed, he can hear his pops soft snores and then the sound of a door shutting as he heads to the kitchen. Virgil flutters around his own kitchen, getting the ingredients together and getting the water going in the kettle.

They're both silent for a bit, their electric kettles clicking at almost the same time, and then Virgil is sitting on the counter again, a cup of tea in his hands as he slowly sips at it, before his dad talks again.

"What's bothering you Virge?" Virgil frowns slightly at that, there's nothing really _wrong_ he just… Wants to be home.

"I dont know." Virgil says, taking a sip of his tea and looking down at his phone that was now resting beside him on speaker. "I just… I wanna be at home, dad. I want to be with you and pops, I wanna be in my bed at home, in my old bedroom." He takes a shaky breath and finally realizes he's crying. "I miss you…" Virgil hears a small hum from the other end of the line and then Logan speaks.

"We miss you too Virgil, it's quite… Strange, not having you here. Patton goes to wake you up almost everyday, he still cooks an extra serving for dinner. I quite miss sitting with you and reading, or watching documentaries with you." If Virgil hadn't lived with Logan for the last ten years he wouldn't have been able to tell Logan was upset, let alone crying, but the way he slightly choked up and corrected himself while saying he missed him told Virgil he was crying too.

"I'll be home this weekend… I just… Have to make it to the weekend." Virgil said, biting his lip, he might skip his friday classes to get home sooner, it wouldn't be the worst idea he's ever had.

"And we will be right here for you." Logan says. The two of them finish their tea in relative silence, then Virgil informs him he's going to try and get some sleep. With shared 'I love you's' they end the call and Virgil climbs back into bed with Roman, curling up close to him.

  
  


***

  
  


Virgil has bad days.

Days where blond hair makes him panic, days where just the thought of being touched made him want to throw up, days where just the smell of cigarettes can send him into a panic attack.

Today is one of those days, and everything is too much as he walks through campus, just trying to get back to his car so he can go home, he wants to go home, he wants to curl up on the couch with his stuffed cat and watch nightmare before christmas over and over, but right now it seems like that's never going to happen.

Tears are forming in his eyes as he walks past a group of kids smoking, just off campus enough to not get in trouble, and the smell makes him feel like he's going to puke as the tears finally flow down his cheeks.

He finally makes it into his car, but he sits in the driver's seat and does not start the car, tears flowing down his cheeks as he just sits at the wheel. Finally he grabs his phone and calls Roman, who answers immediately.

"Hey babe! You on your way back?" Virgil let's out a hiccuping sob and Roman immediately gets quieter. "Oh baby, what's wrong?"

Virgil can't exactly get his words out, his mind is reeling and he wants to tell Roman everything is just too much but he just can't get out the words. After a long stretch of silence he manages to choke out a few words.

"Pick me up, please?" He asks, choking on more tears as he rests his forehead on the steering wheel, letting out a loud sob.

"Of course, of course I'm on my way okay? Stay where you are and I'll find you okay?" Virgil nods, despite Roman not being able to see him.

They didn't live too far from campus, so it was only about five minutes of sitting on the phone with each other, Roman silently paying attention to the road and Virgil periodically letting out shaky sobs, before Roman was parking next to Virgil and getting out of the car, opening Virgil's driver side door and kneeling next to him.

"I'm right here, I'm right here Virgil." He says softly, keeping his distance. "Can I touch you?" He asked softly.

Virgil let out a loud sob, quickly shaking his head, no, no he couldn't deal with it, he didn't want to be touched, he didn't want hands on his body, stop please stop.

"Okay, okay baby I'm not gonna touch you." Roman says, putting his hands on the car. "Baby can you get in my car? So we can go home?" Virgil takes a shaky breath and Roman quickly realizes he needs to get Virgil more calm before he tries to get him in the car. "Virgil, hey listen to my voice."

Virgil finally looks over at Roman, his chest heaving with sobs. "That's it sweetie. Follow my breathing okay? In, 2, 3, hold, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8." Virgil followed along with Roman until he was breathing properly, just hiccuping every so often. "There we go." Roman said softly. "There we go, come on honey, let's go home."

Virgil nods and Roman moves out of the way so Virgil can climb out of the car on shaky legs, his hands are clearly shaking and he quickly shoves them into the pockets of his jacket, following Roman to his car after he locks his own, pressing the button a few times just to make sure, and crawls into the passenger seat of Roman's car, buckling his seat belt and curling in on himself.

Roman watches with a sad smile before he gets into the driver's seat, he watches Virgil start to slightly flap his hands as he starts the car, before turning his attention to the road.

When they got home Virgil took a granola bar to his room and curled up in bed with his stuffed cat, holding her close before he laid down to take a nap.

And if Roman noticed the way his hands shook as they ate dinner later he didn't comment on it.

  
  


***

  
  


Virgil tried to keep the fact that change was inevitable in his head as he walked into Remus' apartment, it felt like the kid, who really wasn't a kid anymore, just yesterday was causing Virgil to panic in their elementary school hallway.

But now here Remus was, packing up for college, and Virgil just stood in the doorway watching him for a moment as he fluttered around the room, his too big ripped NASA shirt falling off his shoulder, revealing a green tank top underneath, his hair a darker shade of brown than Roman's with a blonde streak in the front, the way he had grown a freaking mustache, he was taller, Virgil noticed, so much was different now.

Remus turned around and grinned at Virgil. "Well hey there emo nightmare!" He said, walked up to him and opened his arms. Virgil smiled as he hugged Remus, so much had changed, but Remus still smelled the same, he still sounded the same.

"Well." Virgil said as he pulled back from the hug. "What can I do to help?" Virgil asked, speaking through the lump in his throat at the thought that Remus was now gonna be further away, he and Roman wouldn't see him on the weekends when they came home, he would be a whole state away.

"Oh!" Remus chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Right, well the spare room still needs to be packed up, it's mostly random shit and art stuff. It really doesn't have to be organized unless you really want to do that." Remus chuckled, grabbing a few boxes and a roll of tape, passing them to Virgil before leading him to the room. Virgil took a shaky breath and started packing up Remus' things, he did his best to hold back his tears as he did, he really didn't realize how long it had been since the fateful night that Roman and Remus had come out, but now Remus was three days away from moving to another state, and Virgil was here helping him pack.

Virgil hadn't realized he was crying until he was on his knees in front of the box he was packing, filled with random nick nacks of Remus', his hands clutching the mug he had bought Remus a few years ago, "trash goblin" was written on it, and he let out a hiccuping sob, and then felt a hand on his shoulder.

He looked up to see Remus kneeling next to him now. "Hey there mr panic." He said softly, pulling his hand away. "You know I'm not leaving forever right?"

"I know I know." Virgil choked out, reaching up to wipe his eyes and choosing to ignore the smeared eyeshadow.

"Plus you'll still see me on holidays! And we can video chat! I promise you aren't getting rid of me this easily." Virgil let out a weak chuckle, putting the mug into the box before pulling Remus into a tight hug.

"You know that you're family right?" Virgil asked, squeezing him tighter. "You can come to me for anything. And if you need me I will drop everything to come see you." Remus let out a wet chuckle and Virgil felt a few tears fall into his hair.

"I know Virge." He said softly, pulling Virgil closer. "I know…"

Virgil wasn't sure how long the two of them sat there, but eventually Patton opened the door to the room and gave a small smile at the two boys, he snapped a quick picture before approaching them.

"Well you two look like you could use a break." He said, causing them both to pull away and look up at him.

"I think we just took one pops." Virgil said, sniffling before standing up, holding his hand out to help Remus up.

"Well that doesn't mean you can't take another, I brought cookies over and I'm here to help!" Virgil smiled, pulling his pops into a hug, and the three of them headed back to the living room to share some cookies and then get back to helping Remus pack up.

  
  


***

  
  


Virgil could always tell, when he woke up, if he was going to have a bad day, and usually what type of bad day that would be.

On days he woke up from nightmares about a long weekend away from home he knew to avoid blonde hair and cigarette smoke.

On days he woke up from nightmares about guns, and blood, he knew to do his best to avoid loud noises. (On those days he always warned Roman, and Roman did his best to do everything much more gently than he usually did.)

Then there were days he woke up from a dreamless sleep, a heavy weight settling on his chest as soon as his eyes opened, he would stare at the ceiling, or the wall, and just lay there. He couldn't shut his eyes, but he couldn't move either.

He felt Roman kiss his head and get out of bed, probably under the assumption he was still asleep.

He stared at the wall, he didn't flinch, or react, he just, laid there.

He felt like he needed to cry, but no matter how many depressing or triggering things he thought about the tears didnt flow, and he didn't realize it had been over an hour until the light to the bedroom was turned on.

He still didn't move an inch.

"Virgil?" Roman's voice filled the room, and then his footsteps crossed the room, until he was kneeling in front of Virgil, a soft smile on his face. "Are you gonna get up for me, love?" He asked, voice quiet.

Virgil moved then, giving a noncommittal shrug, in response. Roman nodded in acknowledgment. "Alright." He said, reaching a hand out and giving Virgil time to tell him no before he gently placed it on his shoulder. "I'll be just in the other room if you need me okay? If you don't feel like talking, text me." He said, pulling away from Virgil. He grabbed the purple haired boys phone, placing it closer beside him before he left.

Virgil wasn't sure how much longer he laid there, he was spaced out for most of it, until he finally reached for his phone, as tears started to fill his eyes.

_Me: I am in desperate need of attention_

_Me: please_

_Roman King 👑: on my way my dear dark and stormy knight_

Virgil gave a small chuckle at the message, and found the energy to move positions, so when Roman came into the room and crawled into bed with him he was able to easily slot next to him, head resting on Roman's chest while his hands comb through Virgil's hair.

"You know I love you right?" Roman whispers, pulling Virgil close.

Virgil nods. "Of course." He croaks out, curling closer to Roman. "I love you too…" He says softly, voice trailing off at the end.

"I'm always gonna be here with you, through any tough times you may have. Okay?" Virgil smiles slightly against his chest and nods.

"Okay."

  
  


***

  
  


Virgil didn't know what happened.

Tears were already quickly filling his eyes, and as dramatic as he was he fell to the ground on his knees.

"I'm so sorry!" The kid said, kneeling next to Virgil, knife now tucked away. "Are you hurt?" She asked, hands reaching out for Virgil, who flinched away immediately.

"I'm fine." He choked out, standing quickly. "I'm fine. You're okay you didn't mean to. I should've been watching where I was going." Virgil said, before he quickly rushed off campus.

He didn't cry until he made it to his car, where he pulled the jacket off and looked at the huge slash in the arm. This jacket had been with him through so much, and now here it was, a huge gash in it, there was no way it could be sewn up. Virgil wiped his eyes, sitting it beside him.

It was fine, he wasn't a kid anymore, he didn't need the jacket for comfort anymore, it was about time that the thing got thrown away anyway.

So Virgil drove home, and promptly tossed the thing into the trash, heading to his and Roman's shared study, sitting at the desk so he could work on his homework through the tears in his eyes.

Change was inevitable.

Virgil knew that.

  
  


***

  
  


It had been three weeks since Virgil had thrown away the jacket, he had yet to buy a new one so he survived the chilly days with hoodies, trying to avoid the way he hated them.

He pulled on the strings of his hoodie as he walked into his and Roman's shared apartment, Roman was sitting on their couch, a huge smile on his face, there was a gift bag sitting on the coffee table.

"What's… What's this?" Virgil asked, walking over to him. Roman excitedly patted the couch next to him so Virgil sat.

"Well… I'm not really gonna explain this I just… I want you to know I love you, and I want you to know that this was totally of my own accord and I don't want you worrying about the time I put into it." Virgil raised an eyebrow.

"Oh… Okay?" He said softly, and then the bag was in his lap, he looked down at it, pulling the tissue paper out.

At first all he saw was black, but then he pulled it out, a black jacket, with purple plaid patches and white stitching.

"I…" Virgil said, turning the jacket over in his hands. It took him a moment but then he realized. "This is… This is dads jacket." He said, looking over at Roman, who just beamed at him. "Oh my god you- you did this? Roman!" Virgil dropped the jacket into his lap in favor of surging forward to pull Roman into a kiss. It was clumsy, and only lasted for a few moments before Virgil was pulling back, tears in his eyes as he smiled at his boyfriend. "I love you. So much Roman, so much."

Roman pressed a kiss to Virgil's cheek with the over exaggerated kissing noise. "I love you too Virgil, you mean the world to me, dear." Virgil gave him a soft smile, pressing another small kiss to his lips, pulling back to laugh through his tears.

"Thank you." He said, pressing his forehead to Roman's.

"No need to thank me."

  
  


***

  
  


Some things never change.

Virgil's love for his boyfriend never changed.

His love for his dads never changed.

Virgil's love for nightmare before christmas never changed.

But change is inevitable.

So much had changed in Virgil's life over the last few years, but Virgil had his family to help him through every moment, every change, they made it easier.

That's all Virgil could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm back with that good good prinxiety content 
> 
> That new episode has brought my creativity back to life so hopefully you guys will be seeing more of me again owo
> 
> I apologize in advance for all the shit I'm gonna write.


End file.
